Individual Private Sessions (IPS)
A more productive way to begin mediation
Before we ever meet together for mediation, we begin by meeting privately with each person one-on-one.
This is called an Individual Private Session, or IPS, and it’s one of the most valuable parts of the entire process. Many people come into mediation carrying a lot of stress, frustration, uncertainty, and often a long history that led them here. Jumping right into a joint conversation without taking time to meet first can sometimes make things feel more difficult than necessary.
The IPS gives us a chance to slow down before we begin together. It’s an opportunity for you to share your perspective in private, talk about what’s been happening, and help us understand what matters most to you as we move forward.
For many parents and families, this first conversation helps them feel calmer, more prepared, and less overwhelmed before mediation starts. Even outside Nebraska, where this step is required, we strongly recommend it because clients often tell us how helpful it is.
Many people even say it’s the reason their joint mediation felt more productive.
I’ve seen, both personally and professionally, how stressful these conversations can feel at the beginning. That’s why I believe so strongly in creating space to be heard and helping everyone come into mediation feeling more prepared and less overwhelmed.
Why Starting With an IPS Helps
Starting with an IPS makes mediation clearer, less stressful, and gives us a stronger foundation. This meeting is not for making decisions, and no agreements will be made during the IPS. Instead, it gives us time to slow down, understand why you are here, and start figuring out what matters most to each person before we meet together.
In this conversation, we take time to better understand:
- the backstory and what has led you here
- what you hope mediation will help accomplish
- what concerns feel most important right now
- what options or solutions you may already be considering
- what feels workable to you
- where there may already be common ground
Often, even if parents feel distant from each other, they still have common goals. When children are involved, both parents usually want stability, peace, and what is best for their children.
The IPS helps us start finding the areas where you might already agree. This way, when we come together for mediation, we can start with more clarity instead of starting from scratch.
Helping Mediation Feel More Productive
One of the main reasons we use Individual Private Sessions is that they help mediation move forward with more focus.
Instead of spending the joint session explaining history or sorting through background details, we can start with more clarity about:
- what needs to be discussed
- where the biggest concerns are
- what may be easier to resolve first
- where solutions may already be taking shape
This often helps lower tension and keeps the conversation from falling into old patterns. Parents tell us this makes the process feel less overwhelming and more solution-focused. It also often means we spend less time in mediation overall because we use that time more intentionally.
Choosing the Best Format for Mediation
Another important part of the IPS is that it helps me figure out the best way for mediation to happen.
Sometimes that means meeting together in the same Zoom room. Other times, the best approach is shuttle mediation, where each person stays in a separate room and we go back and forth between you.
This can be especially helpful when communication feels very emotional, tense, or difficult or there’s a history of abuse. Our goal is always to create a space where people can speak openly and make progress.
Sometimes that means we’re all together.
Sometimes it means you’re in separate rooms.
The IPS helps us decide what will best support you.
Keeping the Focus on Your Children
When children are involved, how we start mediation really matters. The IPS helps us begin in a way that keeps children out of adult conflict. Instead of starting with blame, we begin with reflection and preparation.
This helps us keep the focus on things like:
- schedules
- transitions
- communication
- decision-making
- consistency for your children
Many parents find this helps them move from the stress of conflict to thinking more clearly about what their children needs most.
Safety Comes First
The IPS also gives you a private space to talk about any concerns related to safety, communication, or comfort with the mediation process.
This may include concerns about:
- intimidation
- feeling unable to speak freely
- past abuse
- emotional safety
- whether being in the same room feels appropriate
Making sure we have the right process always comes before trying to solve the problem.
A Personal Note
I truly believe that how we start a difficult conversation shapes what becomes possible within it. The IPS gives us a chance to begin thoughtfully, with care, and with a clearer sense of what each person needs.
That often changes the entire tone of mediation. Instead of coming in feeling reactive, many people come in feeling prepared. And that can make all the difference.