Individual Private Sessions (IPS)

A more productive way to begin mediation

Before we ever meet together for mediation, we begin by meeting privately with each person one-on-one.

This is called an Individual Private Session, or IPS, and it’s one of the most valuable parts of the mediation process. Many people come into mediation carrying stress, frustration, uncertainty, and often a long history that led them here. Jumping right into a joint conversation without taking time to meet first can sometimes make things more difficult than they need to be.

The IPS gives us a chance to slow down before we begin together. It’s an opportunity for you to share your perspective privately, talk about what’s been happening, and help us understand what matters most to you as we move forward.

For many parents and families, this first conversation helps them feel calmer and more prepared for mediation. Even outside Nebraska, where this step is required, we strongly recommend it because taking time to prepare can make the joint mediation more focused and productive.

I’ve seen, both personally and professionally, how stressful these conversations can feel at the beginning. That’s why I believe so strongly in creating space for you to be heard before asking you to come together and work through difficult decisions.

Why Starting With an IPS Helps

The IPS is not for making decisions, and no agreements will be made during this meeting. Instead, it gives us time to understand why you are here, what matters most to you, and what may need to be addressed when we meet together.

In this conversation, we take time to better understand:

the backstory and what has led you here
what you hope mediation will help accomplish
what concerns feel most important right now
what options or solutions you may already be considering
what feels workable to you
where there may already be common ground

Even when parents feel far apart, they often share important goals. When children are involved, both parents usually want stability, peace, and what is best for their children.

Identifying those areas early gives us a stronger place to begin when we come together for mediation.

I thought the individual private session was very helpful and needed. We covered a lot of stuff that really needed to be talked about in a safe place with no backlash from the other party. I’m very grateful for the opportunity to have everything settled in mediation.

—Josh

Helping Mediation Feel More Productive

Because we’ve already spent time understanding the background and what matters most to each person, we can use the joint mediation time more intentionally.

We can come into the conversation with a clearer sense of:

what needs to be discussed
where the biggest concerns are
what may be easier to resolve first
where solutions may already be taking shape

This can help lower tension, keep the conversation from falling into old patterns, and allow us to spend more of our time working toward practical solutions.

Choosing the Best Format for Mediation

The IPS also helps us determine the best way for mediation to happen.

Sometimes that means meeting together in the same Zoom room. Other times, the best approach is shuttle mediation, where each person stays in a separate room and we go back and forth between you.

Shuttle mediation can be especially helpful when communication feels very emotional, tense, or difficult, or when there is a history of abuse.

Sometimes we’re all together. Sometimes you’re in separate rooms.

The IPS helps us decide what will best support a safe and productive conversation.

Keeping the Focus on Your Children

When children are involved, how we start mediation really matters. The IPS gives each parent time to reflect before coming together, which can help shift the conversation away from blame and toward the decisions that need to be made for your children.

This may include:

schedules
transitions
communication
decision-making
consistency for your children

Taking time to prepare can make it easier to move beyond the immediate stress of conflict and think more clearly about what your children need moving forward.

Safety Comes First

The IPS gives you a private space to talk about any concerns related to safety, communication, or your comfort with the mediation process.

This may include concerns about:

intimidation
feeling unable to speak freely
past abuse
emotional safety
whether being in the same room feels appropriate

These conversations help us determine whether mediation is appropriate and, if so, what structure can best support everyone involved.

Making sure we have the right process always comes before trying to solve the problem.

A Personal Note

I believe how we begin a difficult conversation can shape what becomes possible within it.

The IPS gives us a chance to begin thoughtfully, with time to listen, understand what matters, and prepare for the conversation ahead.

When we eventually come together, we aren’t starting from scratch. We’re starting with a better understanding of where we are, what needs attention, and where we may be able to move forward.

And sometimes, a better beginning can make all the difference.